only kindness matters.
--Jewel.
Things that I've learned about myself:
-i don't stand up for myself enough, because i fear that people will get upset with me for disagreeing with them.
-i don't like to dissapoint those that i care about.
-i'm too hard on myself.
-my confidence flucuates depending on the situation.
-i don't say what i'm always feeling.
-i think i'm overbearing for some people.
-my sarcasm hurts feelings, when they don't know i'm joking.
-i think with my heart in the beginning...and then my head interrupts later.
-i like spending time with people that make me smile.
-i've gotten good at smiling on the outside.
-i "stick around" to help out, even though i so badly want to leave, and live my life. I can't be a babysitter forever...
-i think i've become more pessimistic.--something i don't want to be...
--I'm so proud of Katherine. She has graduated, and is on her way to tech school. From joining the airforce, she has gained independence, and a sense of freedom that i long for, and is doing something for herself, and her future.--I wish her the best of luck.
--everyone tells me that i should leave. there are so many places that i could go. if thats the case...then why do i make excuses to stay? i tell them i don't mind...that its best for me if i stick around, telling myself that nothing would ever get done if i left. is that true? i wish i could have gone to study abroad. my plan would have worked so perfectly.--being gone for 6 months, living life, becoming independent, and then coming home, i would automatically be able to go on my own without worrying about leaving because i would have already been gone.--but no, i was denied. now i'm stuck to think of another plan. maybe its good that i still live at home...i don't make enough to live on my own anyways. oh well.
--rereading that paragraph made me think of how pessimistic i am. instead of complaining about it maybe i should enjoy all the things that are great in my life right now<3>
