always in our hearts.

This one is for Katherine.

in the end...

only kindness matters.

--Jewel.

Things that I've learned about myself:
-i don't stand up for myself enough, because i fear that people will get upset with me for disagreeing with them.
-i don't like to dissapoint those that i care about.
-i'm too hard on myself.
-my confidence flucuates depending on the situation.
-i don't say what i'm always feeling.
-i think i'm overbearing for some people.
-my sarcasm hurts feelings, when they don't know i'm joking.
-i think with my heart in the beginning...and then my head interrupts later.
-i like spending time with people that make me smile.
-i've gotten good at smiling on the outside.
-i "stick around" to help out, even though i so badly want to leave, and live my life. I can't be a babysitter forever...
-i think i've become more pessimistic.--something i don't want to be...


--I'm so proud of Katherine. She has graduated, and is on her way to tech school. From joining the airforce, she has gained independence, and a sense of freedom that i long for, and is doing something for herself, and her future.--I wish her the best of luck.

--everyone tells me that i should leave. there are so many places that i could go. if thats the case...then why do i make excuses to stay? i tell them i don't mind...that its best for me if i stick around, telling myself that nothing would ever get done if i left. is that true? i wish i could have gone to study abroad. my plan would have worked so perfectly.--being gone for 6 months, living life, becoming independent, and then coming home, i would automatically be able to go on my own without worrying about leaving because i would have already been gone.--but no, i was denied. now i'm stuck to think of another plan. maybe its good that i still live at home...i don't make enough to live on my own anyways. oh well.

--rereading that paragraph made me think of how pessimistic i am. instead of complaining about it maybe i should enjoy all the things that are great in my life right now<3>

insight? no...more like clues.

..i go to sleep with socks on..but i wake up with them off..

..i daydream to pass time..

..my eyes are always bigger than my stomach..

..i used to color coordinate my clothes..

..i wear my rainbows..even in the rain..

..i buy stuff on impulse..

..its not hard for me to commit..but when i do its always 110%..

..i secretly want a vespa..as my mode of transportation..

..i like to ride bikes along the coast..

..i take nature and this beautiful earth for granted..

..i like to look into people's eyes when i talk to them..

..i like to keep the interior of my car clean..but my trunk is a mess..

..i like scratch n' sniff stickers..and scented markers..

..i can change my own oil and put air in my tires on my car..

..my ears are big..but ive come to accept that..

..i like doing dishes..

..i can't wait to own a house and decorate it..

..long red lights annoy me..

..my friends and family mean the world to me..

..its taken me a long time to accept who i am..but now that i have..i couldn't be more content..